Who says u can't go HOME ??

Finally m gonna go back home after a recent visit to the same ! I remember how i behaved while leavin home last time, i neither talked to 'maa' nor to 'father'.....'brother' was no exception too :( I dunno wad happens to me wen i m on the verge of leavin home everytime.I behave childish, i tend to forget every commitment i have made to maself, I loose out every dedication knotted to ma soul... i just see "maa's" sad face wid tears crawlin down her pink cheeks ! n i forget everything,everyshit of life... Then d time comes wen i promise maself that m not gonna put maself on the WAY back to HOME...for atleast next 8 to 10 months. But as soon as the winds of vacations gush thru....i run for tickets of KK express.....ha ha ha ha.. Thts ME !
I really admire few of ma friends who have not seen there parents for almost couple of years..Bhoyyy they have really got patience much more than mountain ! One of ma close frnds, one gurl lives more than thousands of miles away from her "AAIE" n still shez livin like no one i ve ever seen ! She's ma INSPIRATION......Brave gurl ! Thts HER :)

Et lux in tenebris lucet !

What a day i had ! truly gr8 one... hushh finally got ma tests knocked down. And i was waitin for this moment since last month. These were the longest time engulfin tests i ve ever appeared in ma life. I completed ma paper in 1.45 hrs which was of full 3 hrs. I see ma mates findin the whole three hrs inadequate for the test,n this lets me wobbled wat do they write so much ? #@*$#.....bhenchod saale all of them just pretend as if thy are writin whole set out,lekin kamine log chaflusi karte rehte hain.. ; )
Anyways, today I got ma first ever letter posted to father. I've posted a lot to mother,cousins,frnds. But,man this was really the most special one sharin a true MAN to MAN talk. M lookin forward to get his words bout this one. I kno he's gonna be DAZZLED seein wat his son has been upto ! I never shared this kinda thts to him face to face. It was only mom i used to get ma wierd thoughts kindled. I just tht , common now its father's turn ! n i bet he's truly gonna be SURPRISED or wat so ever called SHAKEN.
Bout the day, seven of the closest of us were chillin off at CCD just behind the college. Naina,Rakshita,Sukhi,Lala,me,Shroffie n Sarika ! sub ke sub kamine phir bhi ek se nagine... i was last to enter as usual, none of us is so intelligent or attentive to discuss bout d test ! V hardly do tht ; ) it was all like ek baar gaya so gaya BHAAD main ! Things were being discussed bout vacations n all bout tht. Then it turned upon me coz m leavin to home very soon.. betaa galiya toh khani hi thi i said to maself.Suddenly all of these fOckers wen dead n concentrated on a couple just behind us. It was like umm..daal pak rahi hain,lol. Saale kabhi nahi sudhrenge. The couple was discussin bout their future life..n all plans were being laid. Shroffie got first pebble n passed it in btw quickly :-
Shroffie - "Guys,lets get our views bout each of ours life partner !"
(i was like ....eh wat happened to this gurl?,sarika caught ma raised eyebrow n went after me)
Sarika - "Boy, get me ur FLAVOUR !"
Me - "m dumb bout tht . i'll pour later bout tht."
Suki jumped in,
Suki - "I want her to be mature, diehard sports fan,gud cook n thts all !"
Rakshita - "Saale raat bhar kya kabbadi khelne wale ho kya?"
All broke in a wild laughter..man,his face deserved to be seen ! this gurl is really a mess...i tht.
Lala - "Rakshita,m flat on you !! pls say yeah ! "[ lala's try no. 27 to fetch her ;) ]
Rakshita - "munna sudharja, pitega !"
Every body of us knew she had sumthing goin in her mind bout him already but itne jaldi woh pighalne walo main se nahi hain !
Naina - "Common abhi, unfold atlest a minor.."
Now I really had no option !"
Me - "...hmm... ... ...... ..... ! .....again a long sigh !"
Obviously,the kicks i recieved for this kinda reply were appropriate ; )
but wat do i do? i never tht bout this in ma life till now :
Lala - "Chal be bol de bhav na khaa !"
Me - "Since u'll kno m gonna b a perfect ROLLIN STONE, so i see her to b strong,i see her as a gurl kno no bounds,i see her as ma FUEL,i see inspiration in her,i sense infinite depth of luv, i taste dedication in her words,i feel her as a lightnin ! yeah guys i mean it. i need her to hold me back wen m down, i wan her to rely on ma shoulder wen she's in blue......."
I felt to stop..coz everyone was so concentrated wat i was utterin. I was stunned to see them get so blended in d words i was speakin.
Me- okie, thts mine gurl...everbody else go on !
Naina,Sarika at the same time - "I desire for a rollin stone !!"
Both of them saw at each other anxiously, a big gappppppp of silence....and it resulted in a loud very loud laughter at the end!!!!
Now on the way back to flat, "M i really gonna get wat i asked for?"
oh fuck it ! Its all happenin again. I was happy,wen love had not touched ma life,but now i feel LOVE IS AS STRONG AS DEATH !
Ok leave it for the moment. If its for me, it will surely come to me... till then m DROWNED in buildin up ma career! N boy m really in love wid wad m doin right now. i saw a chopper hoverin over the HAL site. Wierd tht came in ma mind. It treid to relate ma life to d chopper. I feel I have a lift off same as the chopper doomed in high skies. Me too feel the thrust in ma life. Wad i miss at the moment is d tail rotar which deflected tht chopper in a proper direction. I got the idea n m workin on it now !!
Hmmm........
Life - timeless assets ...!

Life's nothin but an assumption !

I was surprised to C so many people intrested in knowin what ma life is really upto ! n loads f them askin y m not uploadin the current ones...and the problem was 'exams' gettin me too involved into it.Now since its on the verge to end m happy to keep up the posts.

Today sumthin real happened, as usual i was late to find maself tht i was hungry n got late for dinner,almost 10:30 pm.Saala dekha toh aaj 'jeb' main sirf ek sau ki patti thi... n i was hungry like gully ke kutte. Aur usme wen i searched for nearest ATM,found it dead as usual ! I was just to get into BAWARCHI and the next scene what i saw was shiverin. I saw the same old woman who always tries to earn a bread sellin her own hand made inscencesticks. She was sittin quitely under the same tree near the butstop where she normally does,holdin her plastic bag in left hand n sum of the inscence sticks in right one. I couldnt stop maself havin a brief look at her, her eyes seemed still searchin for her first customer. It was literally end of d day n i was shocked to see her waitin for sumone to buy those inscencesticks !

It was really gr8 to see her eyes LIT UP wen i asked for two of the packs.She made all her bag up side down infront of me showin every other scent of them. I bought three of them. She said 15/- for one. I gave her ma last 100...n asked her to keep 'em. She stared at me anxiously. She said NO for those xtra bucks. I'm sure she's above 65 n still so STRONG ! !

But i forced ,"amma,tumba paisa thvevidu". She glared with a very diffenernt look at me n smiled like a child wen he meets his mother after a looooonnnnnng period of time.She was tht much happy !

Hmm... i felt like i had the best day of the year. it was really the most peaceful day at the end. Now thinkin bout dinner, i had some 'change' in ma pocket.Njoyed a glass of sweetlime n came back home as if i had the gr8est feast of ma lifetime. I was hungry like hell but i cant figure out how tht incident made me feel like HEAVEN !

Thts called LIFE.....

Bhoy ! I miss to wear those fantastic shoes... It's been long time i 've done that. It's all XAm time and N.C.C is all at a stop.Miss takin parades for the junior cadets,gettin them worn out completely,encouragin them to try hard till the last muscle wears out ! Also it's been ages i 've put up that brilliant uniform which lets me feel m special. Eh...... i wanna turn ma proffession into that ! Really i wanna do ! But there r tonnes of things i wanna turn up as in a career.......m not gonna say that now, list is too long n i've to go for a semister test tomorow....it's a HINDI test.Fuckin truth!m into a degree n still jumbled language test ! ! a approximately six an a half hours later.

Again the same thought came in ma mind which comes in ma mind after every 52 minutes approximately in a single day. Man i really have to sort this out now, coz its now or never for me. wondering wat thought is it? huh ! " Wat's ma reason to be on this planet, ma noble coz, ma destination,ma ................shit" !!!! oops not the last word ha ha ha !!but yaar tilya jaldi kar saale u r twenty n still blank about ur main workframe....

oh will continue the post..i think i shud have a nap now. feelin sleepy !

chalo signin off ! no need to wish best of luck to maself,coz i dun believe much in luck. Its all to say only !

............................................timeless assets.

M not drunk....I just got better.....!

Its d last weekend before semister xam starts... n m hard on it ! oh WTF, m i really into it? no i can't lie to maself....... m really pissin off this semister,wad i was supposed to do n wad m doin !really m off d track since last two weeks ! there r two reasons behind this mess! 1.First is thinkin too much bout life xperiences n second is insecurity of losin ma gurl.
1. I need to losen up the strongly holded strings of life n let it breath easy ! m takin life too serious at the moment, i need to let it live by itself. I need to let it sweetened up by lettin it find itself moments to relax.... thts the answer for the first question !
no.two : ha ha ha where m i? m really in a dream wid HER,i find her in ma arms, i uncurl her hair relyin on ma shoulder,i kiss her forehead,she sees ma eyes deep,i find her askin me will i make her luv till end of time? i find her rhetorics too penetratin....thats d moment i wake up n smack everything off its place. I notice she aint her wid me, she is truly absent! wad i have is just her afterglow....n i ditch maself hard for not lettin ma luv known to her! she then stands like a uncoloured pictured in front me! thts the reality, i didnt let her kno i luv her n luved her hard...its not her fault,its me settin off the DESIRES..suddenly she appeared me relyin on OTHER shoulder !! oh i can't accept this. i can't !!!
eh... but there aint other way now.. its the reality n i dunno wad to do ! i use "......" pauses always in btw ma sentences coz m still waitin sumthin to happen n m tryin to let ma hope live.
Its not like tht m alone,there r loads of "anothers" other than "HER" ,to tell 8 Cats r movin around patiently but m not made for them. ok let me finish this junk! i luv HER n will be luvin only HER till end of maself...
and i dun seem any answer to the above mentioned second question.... its incomplete.........................!
I was asked by mom if i drink, bhoy its was really catchin ma nerves to answer but i did wat i was supposed to answer... mom left a sigh n it was silence on both d receivers for almost 30 seconds,but it seemed like 30 years! mom then said "beta,unfold uaself to me!" Swear i was waitin for this words,still i didnt tell anything to her. she said "son,just losen up uaself.take time n come over it" i was stunned how she came to kno wat i was facin.
then it was me n frndz n litres of beer! rak,nil,swapy,sandy,raj n abhi n it all started how to swallow craps of LIFE.....
but now i realize wat i gotta do! Luv is not meant for me!
today i got millions of feelin gushin in ma mind, but i hve to keep them alive for next post !!
.......................................LIFE's Gud - Timesless Assets!

welcome to maself n all to ma 5'th very new blog....

Life's been changin at times...very often. i see myself where i was , where i m, where i'll be...........but i dun care ! One more thing to be noted is wat m readin rite now, named" Man's search for the meaning" really a good one, actually found wat i had been searchin since ages to read ! That's quit to have a pause for the moment, i'll get it wat i ve been thru tht book next time i log. Currently m havin preparation leave for the semis.. but m searchin for a part time muss... :P coz i dun wanna be an average ass ! doesnt matter if i fail in wat i do, but i dun wanna see maself in future sayin " if i would 've done that, tried that !"
-tilu

The Departed:

29'th nov 06: I dun wanna be a product of ma environment, i wan't ma environment to be the product of ME......