ma very nu rules.

1.I have been thru various phases of life...many ups n downs...heart-breaks,backstabbings,pains,hard feelings,grudges,revenge taken on me,coz am innocent in those things...2.Life is short,live it hard...give it your best,god will look up the rest...3.Do not be too generous...to anyone...atleast not always...4.Its too hard to be nice sometimes...just live it the way u can...5.Forgive your so called enemies...coz god doesn't...sometimes...6.Never beleive in love...its just an illusion...7.Do not be dependent on anyone,but let others be...8.Do not keep any expectations in either love or friendship...if done so...the true essense of both are irretrievably lost...9.If,at any point in your life,you feel like you cant trust the words of your dear ones....read thier eyes...coz eyes can never lie...

Does this mean any thing now ?

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you choose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you I suppose
Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes if I could
turn back the years, If you could
learn to forgive me, then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real.

But everything changes if I could
turn back the years, If you could
learn to forgive me, then I could learn to feel

When it's just me and you,
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day

Everything changes if I could
Turn back the years, if you could
Learn to forgive me, then I could
Learn how to feel, then we could
Stay here together, and we could
Conquer the world, If we could
Say that forever is more than just a word

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel?

OK...its too much now..

Man... m bankrupt...lost girlfriend...lost house..excuse me, situation's not dat bad. i still have a house to live in. but sumwhere i feel everything is going bad, really BAD.Asusual i dunno where m i progressing in ma life rite now. Wait a minute, m i progressing? Dickhead me, very stagnant currently ! I've lost intrest in everything. Everyshit of life seems so dull to me. GREY's everywhere. May be winters inn,dat may be d reason. But a Very no to dat if its d reason. Blueness is in me n not d winter. i feel i need to accept, i m a pessimist ! Yes i m...
Till now since childhood i used to convince maself dat i m not a pessimist...it was sumtimes i used feel low..dat doesnt mean so.. but now i totally feel i m a hard core pessimist ! but i find it a little diffenrent being a pessimist. i haf seen so many Black n white photographs full of meaning.This tells me to use this grey side of ma life into a productive passage of time. i hope i make it possible this time. now-a-days "success" seem a alien word to me. everything i do, i feel, i sense, i get is nothtin but a mere failure. : (
Nways its yet another phase of ma bullshit life full of nothin special but loads of ass sloggin experiences !

Frnds really count !

M best known for takin things from "GOOD" to "WORST" !
but in this life i m proud dat i haf got few those frnds whom i can label "BEST beings". n dats due to one of ma frn, umm i cant rate any of ma frnds like gud frn or ma best frn, coz i think every body is best at his/her place, i have'nt caught any of d smoke stick since last 5-6 days! i dun believe dat i can stick widh d wrds i give to ma "mysterious" frnd. Nways m happy i hf got such frns.
God loves me.... n i luv ma frns !

Money matters !

When your wallet is full of legal chits of papers at a very young age, you tend to do things outta box. Actually to b more clear, u pursue your " WANTS" more than your "NEEDS" ! yesterday i wen to a biotech lab for gettin DNA structures coz i had to paste them in ma college journal since submissions r comin. Suddenly i saw a board there, " SPERM COUNT DONE" he he he.
Obviously i went for dat !! Man, i was so delighted so c ma COUNT. In there, a healthy population was carryin LIFE flourishingly ! n lastly m so GLAD to kno ," M A FULLY GROWN UP 'MAN' READY TO BREED".

Really miss the sunshine !

Hushhh ! every mornin i wake up supposin MOM's just behind me. I feel m HOME n she is in kitchen makin me a cup of TEA as every morn i xpect her to do. Suddenly i recognise, nah m not HOME, SHE aint here. m still a homesick kid. yes i have to xcept this :(

I strongly feel d aroma of d tea made by her every morn. D breakfast she cooks, OMG its amazing. i wish if i could b a kid forever so dat i could stay around her till d time ends.

Its not like as if i always write bout MOM n not father, i luv him too. but u kno mom is always close to heart. Father.... hmmm i think God has made Fathers strong,little bit unkown bout emotions so dat dey can deal widh outer harsh world, n God made mom more affectionate to emotions to handle inhouse conditions.

Nways i dunno much of it in deep. all i kno is missin u muhmmmy ! i ll definitely go to meet her soon. Cant stay back. JUST CANT !

m i this ?

Really a natural self description, one of ma wram frn has done it .
"I used to be the kind of guyWho'd never let you look insideI'd smile when I was cryingI had nothing but to a lot to loseThought I had a lot to proveIn my life there's no denyingGoodbye to all my yesterdaysGoodbye, so long, I'm on my wayI had enough of crying, bleeding, sweating, dyingHear me when I say, gonna live my life everydayI'm gonna touch the sky, spread these wings and flyI ain't here to playGonna live my life everyday" Supercool, aint it ?

Finally turnin ma self inside out !

hmm i dunno wad m doin rite now in ma life is gud or considered normal or considered bad, but i did d best ever thing in ma life today ! m feeling a weird type of peacefulness today ! a name AKSHAY is added to ma character. just a five year old kid but his eyes r so enchanting, this boy has sumthin , sumthin extraordinary n wen u interact widh him u can surely feel d rush of goodness in ur adultarated viens. i didnt kno how i did this thing today, just was feelin blue n this greyness of ma life has gifted me this little kid. i spent almost five n a half hours widh him. it didnt give me a feeling dat it was ma first time meet widh widh this kid. he fondly kept callin me "CHAITA.....CHAITA", it means brother brother in malyalam.
6,200 rs dats d only amount i spent for a child's secure n proper growth for one year. usually i used to spent money to buy maself happiness... i used go shoppin to feel gud. at d end i still recognise i never felt happy frm inside. its just a materialistic success n nothin else ! u r put in convent school, then u go for best college, then best university, then u get a gud job which pays u widh fat cheques ! but is this d only shit we r grown up to haf, to earn , to be proud of ?????
Wads d real meanin of existence ? lookin inside if i ask ma self, born as a human how many things haf i done in ma life to let me feel real HUMAN ? from 21 yrs of this life , "just ONE" comes d answer.
m really puzzled, which way to choose. One leadin too glamourous, materialistic success. n d other i dunno !
But thing is sure, d name AKSHAY 's really gonna change ME.

i feel m still young !

hmmmm its like paradox yeah !

last verdict !

Gurlfrnds are the dummest species on this holy planet ! they ruin u, emotionally n financially as well ! M out of it for ever !